


Seeing For the First Time

by wonderlandiscrumbling



Category: Broadchurch, Masters of Sex
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23635744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling
Summary: Bill wants nothing more than to be intimate with Alec, but self doubt and deep anxiety about his physical appearance makes it difficult to make the plunge into that next step.
Relationships: Alec Hardy/William Masters
Comments: 20
Kudos: 50





	Seeing For the First Time

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact when I watched Masters of Sex and Bill had that full blown breakdown over his own appearance I legit cried for probably thirty minutes, legit the hardest scene I watched in a series.

Alec pushed him up against the wall, just a few inches from his bedroom door, his hands firmly grasping Bill’s hips as he rocked against him letting him feel how aroused he was. He moaned into the kiss, bit and sucked against the detective’s bottom lip as his hand wandered from his back down to his ass gripping him firmly as he pressed against him, both men moaning in response to the friction. Alec kissed along his jaw, down his neck biting and sucking against his skin as he reached up undoing the top two buttons of his white dress shirt, kissing lower, licking against the hollow of his throat. For as aroused as Bill was at where things were leading and the way Alec’s slim tall body felt pressed against him pinning him against the wall he couldn’t help but feel anxious as those fingers deftly undid the buttons of his shirt exposing the black hair matted across his chest. He began thinking about his own body, the bulge of his stomach, the thickness of his thighs, and how his body wasn’t nearly as nice as Alec’s was. The other man pulled away from him suddenly, brow furrowed in confusion as he looked down at his boyfriend.

“You okay, we can stop if you want.” He assured him, voice rough with lust, and Bill knew he wouldn’t be upset if they called it a night and just curled up on the couch to watch TV.

Alec wasn’t the sort of guy who would ever pressure somebody into something they weren’t comfortable with, but they hadn’t gotten this far before despite being together for nearly two months now. At first it had been Alec still nervous from his previous relationship, he hadn’t been with anybody since his wife, and Bill had been okay with waiting. Now he was the one stalling, because he couldn’t keep himself from overthinking, worrying that the second Alec saw him without his clothes on that he would be disgusted, that he’d just leave him, or treat having sex with him as a chore.

He flinched when the other man cupped his cheek, concern in his dark eyes. “Hey, what’s the matter?” 

“I’m sorry, it’s just, it’s stupid.” He muttered glancing away.

He’d promised himself he wouldn’t do this again, he still felt like a moron when he thought about how he’d had a panic attack in front of Virginia over his appearance. He’d been confused as to why she’d sat with him through it, still he was at a loss as to why she’d told him he was attractive, now he was right back in that moment except with a different person. He wondered if it was too late to just excuse himself and go back home, pretend this didn’t happen.

“Talk to me, please.” Alec gently urged, his fingers still gently caressing his cheek.

Bill could almost cry from the way Alec was looking at him, that worry, and that love that he saw in the depths of his eyes and his expression. It was times like this that he could hit everybody who ever dared call his partner an asshole, he was the furthest thing from it really.

“I don’t want to disappoint you, I’m not, I don’t….I’m not attractive.”

It always sounded pathetic when the words left his mouth leaving him feeling awkward. He looked away from him, he felt nervous, and like he very much was going to cry at any moment. Alec didn’t respond at first, but he didn’t laugh, and he didn’t move away from him. Bill was startled when he kissed his cheek, lips lingering against his heated skin.

“You won’t disappoint me, ever, and you’re fucking beautiful. Okay?” His voice was gentle, so honest and loving that it made him feel like he could choke.

Bill closed his eyes letting out a shaky sigh, “I’m not, you don’t have to lie to me.” 

If anything, he felt like he was the one who lied, perhaps Alec couldn’t tell that he wasn’t perfect, not good enough for somebody as handsome and beautiful as he was. He wanted to tell him, to list off his flaws, to warn him before they went too far about how flawed his body was.

Alec grasped his chin tilting his head back, Bill opened his eyes looking at him, staring into his eyes despite how badly he wanted to pull away and just go drown his anxieties in a bottle of scotch.

“I’m not lying to you, I would never lie to you, especially about that. You’re beautiful, okay? If you still want to, if you’re comfortable with it I want to show you how beautiful I find you. Okay?”

He still felt terribly anxious, but he wanted him so badly. “Okay,” he found himself whispering in response despite his gnawing fears.

Alec took him by the hand and led him into his bedroom. Bill stared at the queen sized bed that almost looked like it rarely got slept in, he wondered idly if Alec slept much or if he just worked cases until exhaustion claimed him. A hand on his shoulder drew his attention back to his partner who was staring down at him with those soft concerned eyes of his, without anything being said he knew that he could change his mind without issue, but he didn’t want to. He wanted Alec to see him and decide if he still wanted anything to do with him. 

“Is it alright if I undress you?” He asked as he curled his fingers in the fabric of his shirt.

Bill swallowed, he glanced away feeling anxious, but nodded. Alec didn’t move to undress him, “yes.” He answered, voice quiet. 

Slowly the other man unbuttoned his shirt revealing soft pale skin, he shivered sighing when he felt the warmth of Alec’s hands on his bare skin, felt him rubbing along his sides, down over his stomach. He closed his eyes when he felt lips on his collar bones, those strong hands coming to rest on his hips. Bill reached up tangling his fingers in the detective’s hair, softly moaning when he felt a wet tongue lick against his collar bones, up towards his neck, teeth nipping at his skin as they had been before. Alec walked him back towards the bed until the back of his legs hit against the edge, he fell back onto it, the other man settling on top of him, straddling his lap. Alec stared down at him, eyes taking in the appearance of his body, Bill couldn’t sense disgust in the way he looked at him, but still he worried. Alec leaned down pressing a kiss against the center of his chest, nuzzling against the hair there before moving down, lips trailing kisses across his torso, over the curve of his stomach. He moaned when he felt his partner’s hand slip down cupping him through his trousers, pressing and rubbing against him. 

Alec moved from the bed to kneel on the floor between his legs, Bill watched as he unfastened his pants pulling them and his underwear down off him. He shivered when the other man pressed kisses along his inner thighs, nipping against the skin making him moan, he leaned his head back against the bed, eyes closed as he felt hot breath against the length of his cock followed by a tongue slowly licking up along his length before taking the head into his mouth, tongue circling as he hummed around him. He cursed and moaned, reached down tangling his fingers in Alec’s hair, pushing and pulling as he felt him take more of his cock into his mouth sucking more firmly as he did so, head bobbing along his length as he licked and sucked. Bill curled the fingers of his free hand against the comforter, hips bucking as he thrust into the other man’s mouth, Alec placed a hand against his hip keeping him pressed down against the bed, he pulled up off him running his tongue across his bottom lip. He stayed knelt between his legs, occasionally kissing against his thighs, eventually he got to his feet and Bill watched as his partner undressed. He bit and chewed against his bottom lip as he watched Alec undress, wanted desperately to reach out and touch along his chest, to kiss over his body. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, placed his hands on Alec’s hips pulling him closer, he looked up keeping his eyes on his as he leaned in kissing against his stomach. Alec’s fingers buried themselves in the curls of his soft brown hair, nails scratching against his scalp.

Bill kissed lower, eyes lowering as he licked against the tip of his boyfriend’s cock earning a low moan from him. He took the head into his mouth sucking gently, circling it with his tongue as he took more of him into his mouth. His hands slid back to rest against Alec’s ass, fingers pressing and kneading against the soft yet firm flesh as he pulled him closer taking more of his cock into his mouth as he moaned around him. He loved making him feel good, being able to draw such lovely rough moans from him, to hear the way he moaned his name, praised him for what he did to him. He felt less anxious now, focused on his partner, on bringing him pleasure. Alec tugged at his hair until he pulled off him.

“Lay back on the bed,” he gently ordered, watching as the other man crawled back onto the bed.

Bill laid there, propped up on his elbows, he watched as Alec went to his dresser opening the top drawer digging around until he found what he was looking for, he returned with a condom and a bottle of lube, climbed onto the bed kneeling between his legs. Alec uncapped the bottle pouring some of the substance onto his fingers coating them with it, he leaned down kissing Bill slowly as he gently pressed his index finger against his hole. He tensed for a moment as he felt his finger press inside him, his body soon relaxing letting him in, he moaned into the kiss as he felt a second finger slip inside him, both fingers working him open, thrusting into him, the tips of his boyfriend’s fingers brushing against his prostate, he thrust back against his hand begging him to do that again. Alec kissed along his jaw, down his neck, continued thrusting his fingers inside him until he was a moaning mess beneath him. 

“You’re so gorgeous, I mean it.” He whispered against his skin; he pressed a kiss against his shoulder.

He let his fingers slip out of him, pulled away from him long enough to roll on the condom, he thoroughly coated his length with lube then very carefully pushed inside him, slow and careful not to hurt him, pausing halfway in to allow him time to adjust to the sensation of being stretched and filled. Alec kissed him gently, lovingly rubbed his hand along his side. 

“Please,” Bill begged as he thrust back against him.

Alec slowly thrust into him, he kept a firm grip on his hips as he built up his rhythm, filling and stretching him, drawing needy moans from his boyfriend. He kissed along his chest whispering lovely compliments and praises against his skin, words that he so desperately felt he should believe, because Alec had yet to lie to him, and he couldn’t imagine why he’d lie to him now about this. So instead he decided to trust him, believe that somehow in someway he found him desirable, beautiful even. He tangled his fingers in his hair tugging until Alec’s lips were on his again kissing him with a passion that caused his hear to skip a beat. 

He wrapped his fingers around Bill’s cock stroking him in time with his thrust, his pace quickening as he thrust into him hard and deep, each thrust the head of his cock brushing up against his prostate sending shocks of pleasure through his body bringing him closer to his own release. He dug his nails in against Alec’s shoulder head tossed back against the pillows, eyes closed as he called out his name; his release spilled over his hand and splashed across his own stomach, Alec’s strokes slowing to a stop, his thrusts quickening until he reached his own release. 

They lay together for a moment before Alec slowly pulled out of him, removed the condom tossing it in the bin by the bed then leaving the room to grab a wet cloth to clean them off before laying in bed with him. Bill watched him, wasn’t sure how to feel now that the high of his orgasm had passed, leaving him with the awkwardness that could always come after sex. He felt like covering himself, like apologizing, anxiety seeping back into his brain telling him the most hideous things. Alec brushed his fingers against his cheek, he leaned in kissing him gently, lovingly.

“I love you,” he whispered against his lips.

Bill smiled, “I love you too,” he responded, this time tears did slide down his cheeks and Alec didn’t seem bothered by that or angry about it. He just brushed them away, kissed him again before wrapping an arm around his waist and holding him close against him as they fell asleep together.


End file.
